Hi,
From the first day that we found out about my mother's cancer until her passing, and even now, We are all changed for the better.
I am a little bitter towards the HMO system, but the system doesn't have feelings, so I think I am ok with that.
Otherwise, i observed deep changes in my mother's personality. Not that she had given up, but her eyes were opened to the things that matter. She was even more thankful for everytime we visited, and every kiss that my daughter gave her. I was thankful to see that when people came to pray for her, they came away encouraged. I believe she knew she was going to be an example to others on how to face death. Her supreme faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ gave her that strength.
Even until the final days we read the Psalms together. Me and my wife would read it to her in Korean language. it was like the Saturdays at our old Lantern lane house, when my mom would force us to learn Korean from the old school difficult translation of the bible. She had a stick in one hand, and the bible in the other. Trust me, we learnt the old school way!
At first, i thought it was just a nice gesture, then i realized, she enjoyed it. I would ask her what that word meant, or how to pronounce that word. She enjoyed giving me coaching until the end.
My life has been changed. I will no longer apply myself to futile pursuits for the sake of pleasing others or the worldly accolades.
I will apply my whole being into become the best person I can be, and to fulfill the path that the Lord has set before me. My mother did her best in the first 32 years of my life to shape, teach and mold me with her life experiences. So, i know i won't become some professional lump on a log. When i lovingly continue to contribute to Eleanor's life, I will do it while remembering my mother. When we make financial decisions and business choices, I will do it while remembering the wisdom of my mother. when i try to be a good husband to my wife sora, I will think about the unending devotion my mom had to my father, and apply that to my actions and thoughts.
If i could say something to anyone who still has their parent(s) with them, tell them you love them. Even if you have bitterness towards them. (try to forgive them at some point) Call them every weekend. the cell phone minutes are free. When they complain about some physical ailment, force them to go to the hospital and be at the appointment if possible, and be a bulldog with the primary care physician. If they say it's nothing, then ask for a referral anyway, it doesnt' cost them anything, and actually it becomes the specialist problem, ask them, do you want to see me again? all doctors had a rotation in Psychology, use it on them!
We can't turn back the clock. I regret, not being more aggressive with my mother's doctor. YES doctors are people too... but you are the client. The doctor will forgive you. If they are bitter, then change providers, its quite easy. your HMO bill doesnt go up if you change doctors.
i want to also acknowledge my sister through all of this. She did so many of the hard tough things with my mom. She is not a morning person, yet she woke up so many days and took care of the hard stuff. Its hard changing the undergarmets of your parents. But its just payback for all those poopy diapers we made them change. I only helped change one time, so i know it's not easy. People say its so great to have a son, but a daughter is tops for when things start to hit the fan.
Also to Holly, my sister's friend who came down from 2 hours away so many times to support her. She also brought her cute daughter lydia to help occupy my daughter when we were spending many hours at my mom's house.
Sam
